I’m preparing you now, this will indeed be a sappy, emotional, pull yourself together post. And I can’t wait for you to read it.
First of all I want to say that this all started from a book I am reading called Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst. Lisa if you’re reading this, you’re a genius. Part of my new years reflections and promises to myself I swore reading was going to take more time from me than social media, and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I am happy to share with you I have lived up to that promise (so far) and I am very happy I did.
This book in particular is tugging on my heart strings a little and I can’t read another page until I get all of this out to you! First things first, if you are a parent, if you are in a relationship, if you are a person you will find this book relatable BUT I am going to focus on my mommies for this one. If we put away the magic fairy dust motherhood sprinkles on our life and get down and dirty I know we can honestly say motherhood can get lonely. Hard to imagine you feel lonely hearing your name 50x in 5 minutes but it’s true because no one situation is the same. We are the only one mothering our children and living in our shoes.
One of the first things to go is relationships and that includes the one with yourself. It’s the sense of wholeness if you will. Showering by yourself listening to Shania Twain “Man I feel like a Woman” has turned into a quiet 2 second shower because you swear you heard that baby scream! Or going to the grocery store to buy everything your husband and kids has asked for but you forgot that shampoo and face wash you like. Oh well you’ll get it next time right? Let’s not even talk about your wardrobe! Either they’re still maternity leggings that your water may or may not have broken in or they’re jeans pre baby that you still can’t squeeze into just yet. But you’re working on it … right? Then there are your friends, the ones that attended your baby shower and got you the cutest bows for your baby girl, but forgot to invite you on the limo bus because they remembered how embarrassed you got when you leaked through your bra at your husbands birthday dinner. Yea … that kind of lonely. That’s uninvited.
Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what’s been said to me.
Lysa does not suggest that her way of handling her loneliness is going to be our way – but what she does offer is a sense of hope. Hope that if she found a way to cope with this feeling, we might too! Her reviews of loneliness stem from things she dealt with prior to motherhood and becoming a wife and moving forward from the blame put on God. Now this post is not at all going to be pushing religion or what you should or shouldn’t believe. I personally love that she found something and it worked for her because I now believe the same will happen with me.
Loneliness as a mother in the world of social media puts a lot of unwanted and untrue insecurities in our mind. Is that woman staring at me? Did they watch me yell at my son in the parking lot? It’s been 5 years since my last baby, it’s my fault I can’t lose the weight! To be honest – those people probably weren’t paying attention but you bet I think about that every day. So how do we change this? Two words she mentions that honest will change you for the better.
Live from the abundant place that you are loved, and you won’t find ourself begging others for the scraps of love.
So we get out of our house for a few hours. We go to a dinner party, or whatever and your surrounded by people yet you still feel completely isolated. Yea – been there. When it slaps you in the face that you really do not look like you did pre baby, ouch. As Lysa has described it for us, “Proximity and activity don’t always equal connectivity.” I relate to this 100% because I was a young Mom. At the age of 22 I welcomed my first born into the world and never as some say “experienced life.” Is that even a fair statement? I just experienced 9 months of someone growing inside of me – I’d say that is experiencing life to it’s FULLEST! Yet I wasn’t full because I thought I was missing out on this “life” my young friends were talking about.
Quick recap I am now 27 and my husband is 28 and we’re celebrating 11 years together this year. So the dating scene and going out to mingle was something I literally know nothing about.
But truth be told, at the age of 22 I had what everyone sets out looking for. Love, a family, and someone to wake up to each and every morning. So whose winning now?? And guess what, the people that told me I wasn’t experiencing life are still single. Okay that’s a little harsh, but in all fairness that’s exactly what I told myself to feel better.
Oh Lysa you’re giving me all the feels.
By the way, I am only on Chapter 5 so until next time my lonely mommies.